hmm....

it's funny how i count words and letters and so forth but yet music doesn't seem to have this need to me. it does not seem necessary nor do i think about it. that's good of course, but it also seems weird/ironic. maybe that's why i find such solace and peace in music. i get much emotion from music, much like many other people but sometimes i feel like maybe my emotion is acted out through music. my music or others' music. either way it seems odd that something so important and meaningful in my life can also be one of the things i don't count. ha. funny.

counting sheep anyone?

i'm not usually a sheep-counter. i just don't do that. i get up or read or listen to music. something more like that to help me fall asleep. as long as i don't notice the clock that's about 7-8 feet away from me perched on the dresser i'm usually ok. yes, a clock on the dresser is my downfall. it's digital with huge bright green numbers.... and dots.... and empty spaces. it's so time consuming because it keeps changing (time)! it's really quite comical. i realize this, i also realize that seeing the clock will lead to me counting the dashes, dots, and empty space for hours. i'm off to try to count sheep. good all.

buzz kill

it's definitely a buzz kill when you have to stop hanging out and relaxing to start counting things. it's really ridiculous and pretty annoying to do that. then you try to stop and the more you try to stop yourself the more paranoid you get. Fuck this shit. Fuck OCD.

Trying to put you out of my mind

My OCD consists of counting things. I count all kinds of things. Mostly words, letters, numbers, and their empty spaces. Then I go as far as to find a way to make that number that I come up with be one of the numbers I really like. I understand that this is taking things pretty fast so I'll try to slow down. Anyway, I obsess over these things and believe that if I don't do these things bad things will happen to me or my family. It sounds crazy, mostly because it is crazy. I hate that it sounds crazy. I know how crazy it seems too. But it's me and that's it. I can't do anything about it and I can't fix it o change it, so I just deal with it.